My AAA

I found an amazing author (AAA).  She is thought provoking, and makes me think outside the box.  The box of what I have learned in life through parents, religion, and just people around me. I'm on my second book by her, and I'm scouring thrift stores, resale bookstores in Twin Falls, to start my collection. I only keep certain authors, and the rest i trade off.  I am currently keeping Ted Dekker, Nicolas Sparks, Janet Evonovich, and now Jodi Picoult.  It is so funny as I look at that list the reasons that I love each one of them. They are all so different, but all have touched me deeply that i can't bear to give them away or even resale them! Reading is such great part of who I am. The first novel I read from her was 19 Minutes. Jodi Picoult, has a way of looking at angles of life that made me realize we always, ALWAYS, should not judge others, that there is always another side to stories we think we know things about. If for no other reason that is why a human being should be reading, to learn, to ingest, and to change our lives around what we have learned. Thank you Jodi Picoult for making my mind, my heart, and my soul a better place!!

http://www.jodipicoult.com/

Inspiration Smacked Me in the Head!

I had a dear relative, on Facebook request names for her new blog. BOY that got the juices flowing. I'm sure my random titles made her cringe, but she got me thinking of that blog I started a year earlier, from another dear friend's suggestion.

I re-read the blog I wrote, and thought, HOLY SMOKES, that was a year ago, and how things have changed!!! Tori has gotten married, and she is expecting our first grandbaby!  Im still reeling from all these changes. I get extra time with her this summer because her husband Zack is in bootcamp.  So as our bond grows, so does her tummy! Im sure I will be taking pictures as we go.  Hannah just finished the 4th grade, and she had the worst year ever. We had so many lessons in courage and perseverance this year it was crazy. My sweet funny Hannah made it through, and I am so very very proud of her.

So this is my first of, hopefully, many random posts from the craziness in my head. Thanks Karen for the bump to do this! Thanks Connie for starting the push about a year ago!!!

Get a Real Job

I have been a stay at mom for 15 years this year. I have a 17 year old and 9 year old daughter, and i had a hard time deciding to stay at home when tori was 2. when i finally decided to do it i was excited. through the last 15 years i have had my ups and downs.

Since my oldest has become almost completely independent i have felt somewhat useless and have struggled with my identity, and worth. maybe because i made the decision solely for her when she was young and my house was set up already when Hannah came along, now that tori is older i feel sad at times that my life doesn't have as much meaning.

I am fighting these feeling because i know they are just that, feelings... the facts are my youngest is just as important as my oldest to have me at home, she is just the child i don't identify as much with, as i did with tori. my struggle is parenting a completely different child, and staying true to the mission that i feel god set before me, to stay home and raise my kids instead of relying on others to do that job for us.

I have to find the moments that draw me closer to Hannah, it doesn't come as naturally as it did with tori, maybe because I'm older, maybe because, as i said before, i don't identify as closely with Hannah as tori. i don't know the reasons but i know i have to overcome.

Jason, my husband, has had to travel alot with his business. i have come to realize that maybe this is why it is happening... gods plan to keep me digging in and identifying with hannah on a deeper level. i came to realize this thought pattern tonight when i could either, continue to pout that tori is out again, and jason flew out on business, or use the time to bond with hannah.

She came out to of her bedroom with crayons and coloring books, i know she planned on doing it by herself, but i said, "can i color with you?" her face lit up and she said, "YES!! you can pick any picture you want, from any book!" my heart melted to know it meant so much to her.

So i have realized i have bought into the.... "i don't have a real job" philosophy of so many people, i fought those feelings when i first made this decision 15 years ago and i have let these thoughts creep back in again. my life and work is important, to me, my husband, and god... and maybe someday my kids will say it was important to them (not going to hold my breath on that though).